Forever Lost
by LiveandBreatheWords
Summary: Will has suffered, he has experience pain, but one of the strongest shadowhunters London has ever known has never had his heart broken.  Until Now.  One shot in Wills POV beginning with CP  Warning: Spoilers


**Author's note: This could be a one-shot or I could add a couple chapters. It just depends too. So, this story is Will's point of view when Tessa told him they could no longer be together. I honestly felt sorry for him, but I really like Jem as well so I'm definitely torn. Read and review please! Happy holidays!**

**BBree23***

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING.**

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><p>Will followed Tessa quietly into the drawing, not wanting to attract attention. But he could not stop his heart from racing, his eyes filling with happiness. We can finally be together, he thought, she can finally be mine. He shut the door and put the lock.<p>

He turned to face Tessa, who was staring at him, puzzled. "Will, why are you locking—"

He never let her finish. He couldn't let her finish. He yearned to hold her, to embrace her, to feel his lips on hers. Will wanted Tessa to know that on the night on the balcony, he hadn't actually drank anything. He meant what he had said, he meant what he had done. But now, this moment was all their own, and for William Herondale, there was no turning back.

He covered the space between them with two strides. He brought his arms around her, embracing her almost, walking a little further until they nearly reached the wall. "Will." said Tessa, indeed surprised.

But he did not let her say any more. Will's hands slid up her shoulders, soon enough into her lovely hair, and finally, they kissed. It was a wake-up call for Will. To think, she could have been his all along, he could have kissed her freely, perhaps even taken her out every once in a while, was like a knife driving through his heart. But we can still do that, he thought, it is not too late.

Suddenly, Tessa pushed him away, not enough to make him stumble, but enough to make him surprised. "No." She snapped.

His mind flashed back to last night, Tessa in his arms, him almost kissing her but then she passed out..."But last night? In the infirmary? I—you embraced me—"

Tessa looked shocked, and Will suddenly remembered how she said it was all a dream. "I...I thought I was dreaming..." Her words did not come out clear, but it was enough to drain the light from his eyes.

But he did not let it end there. "But even today. I thought you—you said you were as eager to be alone with me as I was—"

Tessa did not let him finish. "I imagined you wanted an apology! You saved my life at the tea warehouse, and I am grateful, Will. I thought you wanted me to tell you that—"

Is this girl that blind? Will thought. He was already boiling, but when those words came out of her mouth, her couldn't hold it in any longer. It was as if she had hit him, the pain in his chest. "I didn't save your life so you'd be grateful!"

"Then what?" She yelled back. "You did it because it's your mandate? Because the Law says—"

"I did it because I love you!" He shouted, then he saw the look on her face, he made his voice calmer, more relaxed, "I love you Tessa, and I have loved you almost since the moment I met you."

Tessa crossed her arms, her expression hardened. "I thought you couldn't be crueler than you were on the roof that day. I was wrong. This is crueler."

Every word drove into him, causing him more pain that any injury his has ever received. "You... don't believe me?"

"Of course I don't believe you. After the things you said, the way you've treated me—"

"I had to. I had no choice. Please Tessa, listen." she started to walk towards the door. Will scrambled to block her exit, in fear of her never speaking to him again. "Please listen. Please." He was begging now, his blue eyes pleading.

She stopped for a moment, pondering whether or not to stay or go.

"Tessa." Will's voiced cracked, please stay, he thought. "What I am going to tell you I have never told another living soul but Magnus, and that was only because I needed his help. I have not even told Jem."

He explained his past, how he found a demon, how it put a curse on him. How his sister had died the night, how whoever loved him would die as well. Will had kept everyone at arm's length, for he did not want to cause another death. But yet when he found out there was no curse, he certainly felt like a fool. All the people he had hurt over the years, how he never spoke to his parents or Cecily again.

"Jem," Tessa whispered after Will had finished explaining how he nearly shut everyone out. He felt horrible when he heard his name. "Jem is different." Will whispered.

"Jem is dying. You let Jem in because he was already near death? You thought the curse wouldn't affect him?"

Will nodded sadly. "And with every year that passed, and he survived, that seemed more likely. I thought I could learn to live like this. I thought when Jem was gone, after I turned eighteen, I'd go live by myself, not inflict myself or my curse on anyone—and then everything changed," he smiled for a moment, "because of you."

"Me?" whispered Tessa, stunned.

He went on, how she made him feel, how he didn't want his curse to be inflicted on her. How he went to Magnus for help, yet there was never a curse. She listened patiently, looking surprised at times. Had he really pushed her away that far? The words slipped out of his mouth before he could control them, "...I love you still."

Will had been hurt, he had hurt others, he had suffered because of it. He knew he did not deserve Tessa, after everything he has done, everything he did to her. But a part of him could not help but wish she would take him, give him one more chance. He never told anyone else of his past, not even Jem. And yet, in just one conversation, he was confessing everything to Tessa. How had he lived so long without her? How had he survived the countless nightmares, the never-ending guilt he felt for the death of his sister? If he did not have Tessa, he did not have anything.

Was is possible for a heart to break just within a matter of seconds?

"It's too late." She said, her voice was firm, but there was a hint of doubt, something Will could not have been able to catch with anyone else he had ever spoken to in his lifetime.

Will's did.

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><p><strong>Authors Note: How was that? Review please!<strong>


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